Cinema

 Cinema

 

The first to appear is the cone-shaped beam, Semi-diameter vary

with the drone of motor.from two cement holes

like loopholes. Noise of crowds and rising darkness

One or two drunkards stagger along gasping.Someone switch on the electric torch

Someone bury his head between knees Spit out his last acrid smoke

In primary school we went to see film together

Always sang songs before the film began,I just moved my lips without giving sound

Like a meditator suddenly fall into stormy applause

Embarrassed and surprised.I was secretly in love with

a tall girl,Who was from the country,Cunning and sociable

She was late,Gasping in the darkness

Coming up to my side,Sat down heavily

Putting her soft hot hand on my leg

“Who is this?”  I kept silent,staring straight at the screen

as if freezing.the hand was taken back

her eyes soon adapted to the darkness,then she found

other girls.whispers and giggles followed

but I could not concentrate on the story any more,as if I had done something shameful

Blushed. after that,she suddenly disappeared

from my life,like a slight rain evaporate into the air

moved to another school?caught TB?I heard no more about her

Now I can hardly recall her name or looks

Only the tremble of her buttocks flopping on the seat

The weight of her hand,the heat whiffing from her mouth on my cheek

Rows of chairs in the cinema

When film was over I clapped back and forth the seat boards

All the way to the end.Plastic slogans on the wall saying

“Promote Production by Revolutionary Movement”

“No Smoking”  “W.C.”

send out misty red light.we liked to see Tunnel Warfare

and Shining Red Star,the actor Pan Dongzi was my favourite

together with the song  Small Raft.many years later

the same actor appeared in vulgar TV series,flighty and fat

What is his name? Girl selling flowers was so touching

After the show of Walter Brani Sarajevo

Walter Boxing became popular among the kids

And such passwords as “The air is shaking as if the sky is burning.”

Yugoslavia,Czechoslovakia and Korea became fancy countries

I dreamed of have a father like Philip Novale in “Old Gun”

The whole family often went to see films,Father in army uniform uncreased

tall and martial.Mother just over forty smiling

Now from the photo,I find something surprisingly sad

from her looks:Amazing mixture of smile and melancholy

I always wanted to have her grey cotton wadded gown

Father passed away in 1990,That summer  extremely hot an bright

As if curled tinplates and lime are everywhere

In fear that mother wound be consumed with grief and heat wave,

we suggested going to see a film

the whole family.our weak mother agree limply

forget what film was on then,terrible sound effect

now and then totally silent.whistles and shouts rising from everywhere

followed by stamping of feet.I suddenly stood up saying “look at this.”

Shouted in a coarse voice:“give some sound!”

mother smiled.because I was never so rude

nor did we enjoy the film after that.

the shabby cold cinema seemed farther and farther away from us

situated in the busiest street in town,like a monster

on its forehead broken propagandas and fading posters

so I miss seeing films in the open air in the courtyard

or headquarters of construction corps,smell of fodders and animal waste

on white cloth with corners tied to the trees,show outdated films 

paused in the middle at times,then the projector man would rush to neighbouring village

to fetch the film for the second part.curious kids

move back and forth before the screen,admire their enlarged hands and heads

or walk to the back side,change of direction bring something new

broad starry sky,fragrance of trees and the land,breeze

wander around the site,spotting girls in twos and threes

crowd in the shade whispering hands playing with the trains or laces of the dress  

mysterious and restless,as if waiting for something

not concentrating on the film plots at all

light rays,crowds,more chances to argue

form sort of atmosphere of a festival in the country.once in a while,

you went to next village with our cousins over the ridges of fields

in winter,light spotted on black bare fields 

from electric torch,voices and echoes from afar

now we seldom go to see a film.factory’s cultural palace

clapboard Russian style building,which exterior walls are painted yellow

red dome.at the end I always fasten my gloves

Yawning,Looking again at the familiar hall

Dim mirrors,landscape painting with grizzlier bears

worn arms of stairs.space neither too small to breathe

nor too big to make you lose the vital force

as hollowness may freeze yourself.dark,music

and desire mixed together.erotic process of many people together

highly individualized at the same time.you can not see other’s face

but from the corners of your eyes his or her shining nose end

small movements dillydally,broken phrases come floating like ice blocks

causing chemical coolness on your skin in your heart

mostly in winter you go to the cinema,because of loneliness

or chill.no possibilities of meeting to excite you

or elegant ladies surrounded by enthusiastic young people

looking straight.no gasps or questions

in the darkness.things in the shades

grills for barbecue,bicycle on neutral gear,well-lit pubs

restore you sense of reality in vain,urge you to speed up

Intoxicated and strangely self contempt

Jan.18, 1996